Just Let Me Forget
by CapNicholls
Summary: From That Was Then, This is Now, right after Pony comes home after Mark gets hurt. Unrealistic, but whatever.


_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

I touched my bottom lip. Still bleeding. I pressed my sleeve to it as I walked down the sidewalk to my house. If I had bruises in all the places I hurt, Darry was sure to notice. I sighed. Nothing I could do about it now.

I let my mind wander. I sure hoped Mark was alright; Bryon made it sound like he'd be okay, but I was worried - that gash across his head was pretty deep.

Trying not to think about it, I let my mind wander some more - this time it landed on Cathy Carlson, the girl that'd been at the party with Bryon. I wondered if they were together - it hadn't seemed like it to me. I sure hoped not. I'd gotten to talk to her a little; she was a real nice girl. She had this open sort of honesty about her most people didn't have. If she wasn't going with Bryon, I might look up her number and see if she was busy next weekend…

I reached my door, swiped at my lip one last time, and went in.

"I'm back, Darry." It was well before curfew, but Darry preferred me coming early anyway. Now if I'd been late, that would've been a different story. I didn't want a repeat of two years ago…

I mentally shook myself, clearing my thoughts, and looked into the living room. "Dar?" Not there.

I didn't hear the water for the shower running, so I figured he was already in bed. Probably had another rough day at work. I shook my head. He worked too hard.

I headed upstairs to get a shower and glanced into his room when I passed. Sure enough, there he was - but he wasn't asleep. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at a paper in his hands, looking dumbstruck.

"Darry?"

He didn't seem to hear me, and even when I went over and picked up the envelope that was lying by his feet, his eyes didn't move from the letter in his hands.

"Darry…" I touched his shoulder, and he finally broke out of his daze, looking at me bewilderedly, as if trying to remember who I was. I pulled my hand back, confused. "Dar…?"

Realization crossed his face, and he blinked a few times. "Ponyboy…" He sounded completely exhausted.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and he suddenly flinched as if I'd slapped him.

His eyes fell back to the letter in his hands. "Sit down." Emotionless.

I did as I was told, feeling uneasy. Whenever Darry's voice went flat like that, you knew he was fighting to control it. You knew something was wrong.

"What is it?" I tried to get a clue from his expression, but his face had gone blank. I realized I was still holding the envelope I'd picked up, and I turned it over, looking at the return address. The only word I saw - the only important word - was _Army_.

My head snapped back up to Darry, and I felt sick. "Darry?"

He saw the envelope in my hands and pulled it away before looking at me. "His unit got ambushed," he said steadily, and I knew he was talking about Soda. He faltered, gaze falling away, and when I said, "Tell me," I was surprised at how steely my words were.

He looked back at me, defeat, pain, and exhaustion written in the lines in his face. "No survivors," he said softly, and the room lurched around me. _No survivors_ …

My head spun with the words, and my eyes couldn't seem to focus. _No survivors… No. No, it's Soda, he can't be…_

"Darry-" My voice cracked, and when I looked into his eyes, I saw the same fright, confusion, and hurt I felt. _No survivors_ … Darry reached towards me, suddenly pulling me into a rough, tight hug, and I gripped the back of his shirt with white knuckles, wanting - needing - something to hold onto.

I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly realizing I was shuddering so violently my teeth were clacking. I clamped them together and tried to stop trembling, but I couldn't.

 _This_

 _isn't_

 _real._

 _This_

 _can't_

 _be_

 _happening_.

 _This is a nightmare_ , I thought in a panic. _I'm dreaming_. Only I couldn't wake up.

 _Somebody_

 _wake_

 _me_

 _up._

XXX

I had to stop thinking about him. I had to. I'd explode if I didn't. I leaned forward, squeezing my eyes shut, pressing my fingers to my temples. I needed it to stop…I'd do anything for it to stop…

Finally, my eyes snapped back open. I pulled out the phone book and opened it, scanning the names before finding the one I wanted and dialing the number.

 _I need to forget…just for a little while…please…_

"Hello?"

"Hi - Cathy?"

 _Just let me forget._


End file.
